Silence.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:11-13

I was sick. Sick for worry. Sick of the tension that was in our home. Sick that things would get worse (if they could possibly) I was just plain sick and tired of our situation.

But I held on to hope that God would be faithful to us. That he would deliver us from this.

It was only a small tiny sliver of hope. But a sliver is better than none.

I know of people who are going through much worse than what we did. While we were in the mire I felt so guilty that I was feeling sorry for myself. Yet I just couldn't help it.

God not audibly talking was the worst part of this whole thing. He has given us promises,then why was He not upholding his end of the bargain?

He will supply all your needs.
He will provide a way of escape.
He will give us an abundant life.
Ask anything in His name. And it will be given to you.

Are they true? Do you know how many times I had people quote these verses to me? I had people tell me I needed to be praising God anyway. That I was wrong for not.

Well,maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was sinning for not accepting our situation.But,I couldn't help it. The silence was deafening. How do you be a godly example to those around you when you feel like you have been trampled on? When God is Silent and you are screaming out to Him from your inner most being?

I wasn't a good example.I wasn't one to be looked upon as having faith.I was broken and discouraged.I worried.I don't believe in "name it and claim it" It's a delusion. A lie.

God is God.

And if He want's to be silent,He can be silent.